Books

Rude Bitches Make Me TiredRude Bitches Make Me Tired is Celia Rivenbark’s seventh book of side-splitting humor and her very first single-subject book. Always sensible and mildly profane, “Rude” uses a common-sense but hilarious approach to such etiquette quandaries as how to deal with braggy playground moms, slow walkers, close talkers, gluten whiners, and so much more. This isn’t your grandma’s etiquette book because, chances are, Granny never had to deal with someone else’s ass sweat at the gym. Laugh and learn in this rebellious, irreverent take on proper behavior, Celia-style.

 

Order Now: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indie Bound

You Don't Sweat Much For A Fat GirlYou Don’t Sweat Much for a Fat Girl: Observations on Life from the Shallow End of the Pool: With her trademark style of Southern snark and sass, Celia channels her inner Betty Draper and sheres her thoughts on everything from terrorists to Twitter to “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.” This one is guaranteed to make you laugh hard enough to split your yoga pants.

 

Purchase Now: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indie Bound

You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start in the Mornin’You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start in the Mornin’: So new it’s got puppy breath, this fifth collection of funny stuff covers it all: From religion to recipes,from car-pooling to cat-whispering, Rivenbark dishes up hilarious new essays for anyone born south of somewhere. Whether she’s trying to convince her mama to be her senior bingo “beard,” flying on the fictional (or is it?) One Hot Mess Airlines, contemplating Action Figure Jesus or trying to convince Clay Aiken fans that he’ll never marry their glandular daughters, Celia’s having some fun now. Filled to the brim with belly laughs, Drink is topped off with a collection of genuine southern recipes to comfort your soul and cure your hangover. This one’s for anyone who likes their humor shaken, stirred or straight up!

 

Purchase Now: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indie Bound

Belle Weather: Mostly Sunny With a Chance of Scattered Hissy Fits…Belle Weather: Mostly Sunny With a Chance of Scattered Hissy Fits… The queen of all that’s sassy and the expert of all that’s trashy storms back with a hilarious collection of laugh-out-loud essays on topics including: The Joys of Remodeling Tara, the Truth about Nature Deficit Disorder, the Beauty of Bedazzlers, Why French Women Suck at Competitive Eating, Britney’s To-Do List (Pick Okra, Cover that Thang Up…), Harry Potter Bitch-Slappin’ Nancy Drew and much, much more.
Book Buzz: “Readers will laugh out loud over her commentary on status mothers…enjoy a rollicking run ride with one of the funniest of Southern writers, one who appeals to the “belle” in all of us–Booklist

 

Purchase Now: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indie Bound

Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a SkankStop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank: In this rowdy collection of essays, Celia takes on baristas (“It’s America, call ‘em what they are, COUNTER HELP”), the Cruise/Holmes pod baby, skanky kids clothes and how to make sure your precious child gets a seat at the Disney character breakfast (or you’ll risk eating chicken out of a bucket with Sneezy). While Celia had rather walk on her lips than say something mean, she doesn’t mind WRITING plenty of mean stuff. Dig in; it’s delish.

Book Buzz: “Rivenbark dishes out what Southern women really think and say when they’re not performing that soft-syllable grits-and-grace routine.” –Chicago Sun-Times…”She kills in the Kids and Southern-Style Silliness sections, putting the fear of Mickey into anyone planning a trip to Disney World…” Entertainment Weekly Books…”A hilarious book best enjoyed while eating Krispy Kremes with a few girlfriends.”—Publisher’s Weekly

 

Purchase Now: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indie Bound

We're Just Like You, Only PrettierWe’re Just Like You, Only Prettier: Winner of the Southern Independent Booksellers Alliance (SIBA) Non-Fiction Book of the Year award, Prettier follows up Rivenbark’s 2000 bestseller, Bless Your Heart, Tramp with more hysterical essays about life, Southern style. Tales of marriage and family, a faulty Christmas toy, and a day at the spa are recounted in regional vernacular (with curses galore). Yankees love this book, too. “Even the chapter titles will give you the giggles” said the New York Daily News.

Book Buzz: “Celia Rivenbark is a hoot!”—Publisher’s Weekly…Celia Rivenbark is kinda like the Highland Park soccer mom equivalent of David Sedaris.” –Dallas Observer…”I thought I was Southern until I read Celia’s book. What a funny, smart and irreverent writer she is!”—Lee Smith, author…”Celia’s book rocks; everyone’s going to love it.”—Laurie Notaro, author

 

Purchase Now: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indie Bound

Bless Your Heart, TrampBless Your Heart, Tramp: In her first book, Celia takes the reader on a tour of the wacky South, land of “womanless wedding” fundraisers (where Bubbas wear boas). Meet two sisters who fight rural boredom by washing Budweiser cans and cutting them into pieces to make clothing. Learn why the word “snow” sends any right-thinking Southerner careening to the Food Lion for extra loaves of white bread. Celia tackles these and other lard-laden subjects in this hilarious look at Southern – and just plain human – foibles, up-close and personal.

Book Buzz: “Celia Rivenbark is a very funny writer…hilarious and right on the money.” –Charlotte Observer…Celia Rivenbark has the goods and then some…Here’s hoping she achieves fame of Bombeckian proportions.”—The State (Columbia, S.C.)…When the aliens come to study us, I hope they find Celia Rivenbark’s work prominently displayed. She is one of our greatest domestic anthropologists. I am forever a devoted fan.”—Jill McCorkle, author…”Bright, witty and warm,” –St. Petersburg Times

 

Purchase Now: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indie Bound