Give ‘Em What They Want: Let Texas Secede

Hey, Texas. You feeling OK? What’s that? Why do I ask?  Well, because lately you’ve been acting kinda crazy, even by your standards. (Not you, Austin; go do some yoga somewhere while the grownups talk…) Look Texas, if you’re going to secede, go ahead and do it. We...

Bratty Behavior is Decidedly Un-Beautiful

Let’s talk about the “Sephora bullies.” I realize that’s a great way to lose half the readership (“What’s a Sephora? Why does she think I care? It’s probably liberal; where’s my Cryptoquote?”) Let me explain. “Sephora bullies” refers to the toxic trend of preteen...

Loony Lauren Needs Some Relationship Advice

Dear Lauren Boebert, Cop a squat and let’s chat. First off, I get it. I was raised rural, and I know how it’s almost impossible to resist a man who spells his name exotically like your ex, Jayson. (I’m thinking “Brandin,” “Trystan” and most definitely “Jordyn.”)...

Dogs Prevent Dementia? My Cats Don’t Care

I’m surrounded by dog lovers—friends, family, neighbors, strangers at Home Depot and Lowe’s Home Improvement, where if you don’t have a dog, there is apparently a kiosk where you can get a loaner. How else can you explain the sheer volume of pooches padding past the...