The famous Trump baby blimp that debuted earlier this year in London to protest the president’s visit is on a sort of world tour these days and it made a stop in my hometown recently.
I paid a few bucks toward hurricane relief to have my picture taken with the baby blimp, which is bigger than you can imagine, also more unsettling because, well, baby chest hair.
Regardless of your politics, it’s always fun to see oddities like this. I have paid extra to see a two-headed calf at the county fair. Maybe it’s because I was born literally one block from The World’s Largest Frying Pan in Rose Hill, N.C. Some are born to greatness, others to stalk oversized freaks of nature and polyurethane.
But no sooner had I changed my Facebook profile pic (naturally), I read about another giant inflatable that I simply must see for myself. It involves a bit of a road trip, though.
Yes, in case you missed the latest News of Humongous Inflatables, thieves made off with a giant, inflatable colon—you read that right–worth more than $4,000, from the back of a pick-up truck just before it was to be inflated and displayed at a fundraising 5K in Kansas City.
The police report was brilliant in its gutsy (ha!) description of the target of theft as a “giant, inflatable pilfered intestine.” The even better news is that the purloined pink colon has been recovered. I repeat: The stolen colon (rhyme intended) has been located. No arrest has been made but the investigation is ongoing according to the Kansas City Police Department.
I have so many questions. Did the thief inflate it and a nosy neighbor notice that, where there had been no half-acre colon before, suddenly there was one?
I’ve seen the pictures of the inflated medical balloon and let me just say, it makes the Trump balloon look like the stuff that might travel through a typical human-size colon. Yes. It’s that good.
While the theft was probably a fraternity prank, or similar, no one thought it was very funny over at the American Society of Gastroenterology (motto: No, we will not pull your finger), which immediately posted a $1,000 reward information leading to the balloon’s recovery.
The inflatable colon is often used as an educational tool by the medical center staff for “various university and community events.” What kind of community event, pray tell? Not to be indelicate but it’s not like anybody really wants to see a 5-story colon waving in the wind as they’re leaving the Kiwanis Pancake Breakfast, amiright?
Apparently, the thought of going even one week without access to a monster-sized inflated colon the size of several football fields was terrifying to townspeople. A fundraiser quickly exceeded its $4,000 replacement goal by $8,000, which was thrilling because, as the Colon Cancer Coalition put it: “Now the coalition will have TWO inflatable colons, three if you count the recovered stolen colon.”
I know. It’s a lot to digest.