We now join White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders in the James S. Brady Press Room where she is hosting a rare afternoon briefing for news reporters.
Sarah: “Good afternoon everyone. I’m here to answer your questions in a forthright and honest manner as always. Before we start, the president has asked that I share with y’all that he is very happy with the results of last week’s Super Bowl. As some of you may know, President Trump taught Tom Brady everything he knows and even set him up with Gisele because she was, and I’m quoting the president here, “starting to get a little too clingy.” I’ll now open the floor up for questions…
Reporter: “Sarah, is any of that really true?”
Sarah: “It’s not necessarily not true, if you leave out the part in the beginning, middle and end. Look, the president once jumped into the angry surf during a Hawaiian vacation to save a man who was drowning.”
Reporter: Are you sure you don’t mean former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger? Didn’t he do that, not President Trump?
Sarah: “Well, the point is Obama claims to have grown up in Hawaii and he never saved anyone from drowning, so I think you can draw the obvious conclusion.
Reporter: (confused) Sarah, can you comment on documents that were leaked to the press that show how few hours the president actually works?
Sarah: “I’m glad you brought that up, Josh.
Reporter: My name’s not Josh.
Sarah: Of course it is. You’re all named Josh. Look, the president is the hardest working person I’ve ever known. Then again, I haven’t known that many people because I grew up on a mayonnaise farm in Smallpox Scab, Arkansas, so, yeah, there’s that.
Reporter: Sarah, there is documentation that in the past three months the president doesn’t even start work until mid-afternoon. Is that true?
Sarah: Look, if you look at the president’s desk calendar, are there a lot of big, completely empty white squares on it? Yes. But this is because the president likes a schedule that allows for a more creative environment.
Reporter: If I could just follow up…Sarah, can you expand on what exactly “creative environment” means?
Sarah: Look, some might call it finger painting. When George W. Bush took up painting, everybody went crazy about how great that was.
Reporter: Well, he did that after he left the presidency…
Sarah: Exactly. It takes a visionary president to do this sort of thing while he’s still in office, Josh.
Reporter: It’s Katy.
Sarah: Which is what I just said.
Reporter: Sarah, President Trump says he knows more than the experts on a wide range of complex subjects like national security and climate change. Is he serious?
Sarah: Look, the president is speaking metaphorically. By expert, he means he has heard all those words before somewhere but not necessarily in that order.
Reporter: That’s terrifying.
Sarah: You worry too much. Look, God made him president. Also some Russians, but mostly God.