Hey y’all, it’s Bridget Ziegler. You may remember me as the co-founder of the fake Christian, super sanctified, gay hatin’ Moms for Liberty! You’ve probably seen us marching into school board meetings to yell about imaginary nasty books never found in elementary libraries and how we need to stop teaching history because it’s depressing. Yeah, that’s us!
Not gonna lie, it has been a tough few weeks at Moms for Liberty HQ, what with me coming clean about having a fling with another woman and, well, the whole threesome thing with my gross husband.
Liberal Satanists are having a field day with this revelation as you might expect. Oh, they just love to use the “hypocrite” word mostly because I’ve spent all this time slamming same-sex relationships and looky here! I’ve been having one of my very own!
While I’ll admit the optics are bad, this hullabaloo is so typical of the left-wing cranks blowing something out of proportion just to make decent God-fearing folk look like they’re saying one thing and doing the complete opposite!
Look. As a woman who cleaves unto her (shudder) husband, it’s a Biblical imperative for me to do exactly what he says. And if he says: “Hey, Sweet Cheeks, let’s try a threesome to jumpstart the old love engine” I’m BIBLICALLY COMPELLED to submit to him. I mean, hey, I don’t exactly love Cracker Barrel but we go there every Sunday because he can’t get enough of that hash brown casserole. It’s the exact same thing.
Now I have wondered, but not more than a hot second of course, how I can look at myself in the mirror on our ceiling but, really, it’s not that difficult. What the Liberal Satanists can never grasp is how it’s the Greater Good that matters. So what if I relentlessly vilified gay couples for being unnatural and godless? So what if I said they shouldn’t be allowed to be parents because of their perverse lifestyle choices?
The point is, I’m a Republican woman whose (blech) husband is chairman of the GOP in Florida! We’re not a couple of guys buying those weird brussels sprouts trees at Trader Joe’s with a slew of kids in the cart that, let’s be honest, don’t look like either of them.
OK, glad I cleared all that up.
Also, I have been asked to remind y’all I technically got off the governing board of Moms for Liberty two years ago. I’ve been asked to say that a LOT lately which kinda hurts my feelings because I literally started Moms for Liberty’s hateful antigay, race-baiting agenda and now they’ve all turned their backs on me!
It’s probably just as well. For now, Moms for Liberty gets a lot of snide looks when they invite women to our very popular “Madison Meetups.” I know that sounds like some kind of hook-up app but really it’s just where a bunch of us gals get together to talk about defending the Constitution. I’ll probably never go to a Madison Meetup again and this makes me sad because, well, there are a LOT of very attractive women at these things, just sayin’. KIDDING!! OMG, some of y’all can be so serious all the time. It’s honestly a turnoff. Along with chronic tardiness, ill-kempt nails and salad breath. Oh, sorry. That was my personals ad I was working on…
Truth is, y’all should be more concerned about my (gaaaah) husband because he’s the one accused of raping my ex-girlfriend one night when I couldn’t be with them. Never thought I’d write that sentence. I’m sure it’s just a big misunderstanding but, yeah, things are a bit tense down here at Lil Lago.
Thank you for allowing me to set the record straight. As all things should be unless you’re, well, me.
Smiley face emoji,