by Celia Rivenbark | Jan 6, 2020 | Weekly Column
THE JURY POOL, COUNTY COURTHOUSE, USA— Bailiff: Mr. McConnell, you and Mr. Graham are up next. Please just step through the doors to the courtroom and prepare for your voir dire. Mr. Graham: Voir who? What kinda commie talk is that? Look, I was raised an...
by Celia Rivenbark | Dec 23, 2019 | Weekly Column
This week on The Hallmark Channel…A lesbian couple’s wedding enrages backward town folk who find their audacious display of affection threatening in a flat-earth kinda way. Meanwhile, as snow falls gently upon the happily ignorant hamlet of Bigotsville,...
by Celia Rivenbark | Dec 16, 2019 | Weekly Column
To those of you who wonder (often using your outdoor voice, by the way) why I write so often about President Trump, let me give you a hint: He recently said Americans have to flush the toilet “10 to 15 times” because modern, low-flush toilets...
by Celia Rivenbark | Dec 9, 2019 | Weekly Column
Like any normal American woman who lives off snark and Little Debbie Raisin Cakes, I was completely mystified the first time I saw the now famous Peloton ad. Why does that pretty lil waif look so worried when her controlling 50 shades of stupid husband gives...
by Celia Rivenbark | Dec 4, 2019 | Weekly Column
‘Twas the month before new year and all through the House Were rumblings of impeachment: “Get rid of the louse!” With eyes all a-buggin’, Adam Schiff grew most shrill When war heroes were mocked up on Capitol Hill Nunes and Jordan,...
by Celia Rivenbark | Nov 25, 2019 | Weekly Column
Some of you will read this column before Thanksgiving and, because of varying deadlines, others may read it a week or so later. A few unlucky souls won’t read it at all because they suspect I’m going to bash Dear Leader again. They’ll get their...
by Celia Rivenbark | Nov 18, 2019 | Weekly Column
On this week’s episode of “The Righteous Trumpstones,” prosperity preachin’ proponent and Florida televangelist Paula White has been hired by the man himself to work in the White House, amen. Trump’s spiritual advisor ever...
by Celia Rivenbark | Nov 11, 2019 | Weekly Column
And then there were… I dunno, 15, 18? Lapsed lanky frat boy Beto O’ Rourke, he of the earnest f-bombs and ubiquitous rolled-up shirt sleeves (ready to work for you!) has dropped out of the prez race. As Trump gleefully described it, “he...
by Celia Rivenbark | Nov 4, 2019 | Weekly Column
Just when I was beginning to wonder if Rudy Giuliani– who has perfected the crazy eye of late– was even human what with his wackadoodle comments, wild gesticulating and testy “You and whose army?” vibe, he up and commits that most human of...
by Celia Rivenbark | Oct 28, 2019 | Weekly Column
In a surprising about-face, President Donald Trump has abandoned plans to host the G-7 summit next summer at his Miami resort after Congressional Republicans told him doing business for profit with foreign entities appeared to violate the Constitution. With...
