Trump & I Have Lost Same Number of Elections

       I was sure I had won. How could I lose the election? I had all the best words. My campaign posters for homeroom student council representative used NEON posterboard. That sort of next-level campaigning always pays off.     Yet, when the votes were tabulated, I...

Undecided Voters? You Gotta Be Kidding Me

       Wouldn’t you just hate to be in line at the cafeteria behind “undecided voter”?     He just can’t decide. Not me. I’ll have the liver and onions with a side of rice and gravy and that funky broccoli salad with the raisins in it....

So THIS is What It Feels Like to be Popular

             Big news, y’all. “The New York Times” just named the 10 counties in the United States that will decide the outcome of the presidential election and I live in one of them! It’s like being a pageant finalist! There are 3,007 counties...

Are You Having a Boy or a Girl? Good

       I’m just going to say it: Gender reveal parties are dumb. Outside of family and a (very) few friends, nobody cares if your baby is a boy or a girl.     Y’all: But it’s fun and cute! Stop being such a grumpy ol’ bag!     Look, when it was...