by Celia Rivenbark | Sep 11, 2024 | Weekly Column
Joey and Chandler, my 8-year-old cats, wound their fat tuxedo bodies nervously around and between my ankles over and over. Trump was on TV spewing nonsense, and they were all pointy ears. “No. The mean man is lying, boys. It’s all he knows how to do. Haitian...
by Celia Rivenbark | Aug 26, 2024 | Weekly Column
A few years ago, I wrote a book called “Rude Bitches Make Me Tired,” a salty etiquette manual for the modern age that inspired one bookstore owner hosting my signing to cover the word “Bitch” with multicolored Post-it’s in her store’s display window. She...
by Celia Rivenbark | Aug 17, 2024 | Weekly Column
I’m historically shitty at math. The only exception is my freakish ability to quickly calculate how much I have to pay when Dillard’s has shoes at 65 percent off. But you know who’s even worse at math than I am? That’s right. Donald Jedediah Trump. Pretty sure Trump...
by Celia Rivenbark | Aug 5, 2024 | Weekly Column
Did y’all know in some states, you can now buy bullets from a grocery store vending machine? Bad idea. It’s one thing when your Little Debbie Oatmeal Crème Pie gets snagged on the wire thingy and doesn’t drop. Who among us hasn’t pounded on the front of that...
by Celia Rivenbark | Jul 29, 2024 | Weekly Column
It’s not a great time to be a woman. We’ve lost fundamental rights we had for more than 50 years. If we do get a plum job, we risk the ire of know-nothings who think we only got it because of “DEI” which stands for “diversity, equity and inclusion.” DEI enjoyed a...
by Celia Rivenbark | Jul 22, 2024 | Weekly Column
For the past couple of weeks, I’ve simply crouched in a dark corner, forcing myself to think only of fluffy kittens playing in a wicker basket filled with colorful balls of yarn. Ahhhh. Kittens. Yarn. But even as the kittens romped through my tortured noggin, I...
