by Celia Rivenbark | Apr 1, 2024 | Weekly Column
You have to hand it to the Transportation Safety Administration (motto: “Jelly is, too, a liquid!”). Only TSA could’ve surveyed the dystopian hellscape that is using a self-checkout at the grocery store and thought: “Yes! We should try that at airports so passengers...
by Celia Rivenbark | Mar 25, 2024 | Weekly Column
OK, hear me out. From now on, we’ll decide who is president not by winning the Electoral College vote (boring!) but instead, every four years, we’ll pick the prez “Love is Blind” style. That’s right! This fall, we’ll put Biden and Trump in the reality show’s trademark...
by Celia Rivenbark | Mar 18, 2024 | Weekly Column
I may have been hasty in suggesting Texas secede a few weeks ago because there’s another state that’s intent on making misery for no good reason these days: Alabama. Yes, the Tommy Tuberville-electin’, take your fertilized egg to work day Alabama. That one. Who knew...
by Celia Rivenbark | Mar 11, 2024 | Weekly Column
Our staycation destination just 45 minutes from home had been much anticipated: a beautiful oceanfront townhouse deeply discounted because it was February. Our party of six arrived with three carloads of food, adult beverages and multiple pairs of yoga pants, happily...
by Celia Rivenbark | Mar 4, 2024 | Weekly Column
READERS: This column, and all others, appears on social media sites two weeks after publication by Gannett Southeast newspapers. This is a contractual agreement and explains why I often appear to be woefully behind the news cycle. I fully expect Haley to drop out...
by Celia Rivenbark | Feb 19, 2024 | Weekly Column
I’ve been doing it all wrong and I’ll bet you have, too. Let me explain. When the Girl Scouts show up with their fresh faces and foldable tables in front of the grocery store, shopping mall, etc., I’m usually smack in the middle of a post-holiday diet that has me...
by Celia Rivenbark | Feb 12, 2024 | Weekly Column
Hey, Texas. You feeling OK? What’s that? Why do I ask? Well, because lately you’ve been acting kinda crazy, even by your standards. (Not you, Austin; go do some yoga somewhere while the grownups talk…) Look Texas, if you’re going to secede, go ahead and do it. We...
by Celia Rivenbark | Feb 5, 2024 | Weekly Column
Let’s talk about the “Sephora bullies.” I realize that’s a great way to lose half the readership (“What’s a Sephora? Why does she think I care? It’s probably liberal; where’s my Cryptoquote?”) Let me explain. “Sephora bullies” refers to the toxic trend of preteen...
by Celia Rivenbark | Jan 29, 2024 | Weekly Column
Dear Lauren Boebert, Cop a squat and let’s chat. First off, I get it. I was raised rural, and I know how it’s almost impossible to resist a man who spells his name exotically like your ex, Jayson. (I’m thinking “Brandin,” “Trystan” and most definitely “Jordyn.”)...
by Celia Rivenbark | Jan 22, 2024 | Weekly Column
Kicking off the new year with a commitment to facts and science, Fox News recently invited a psychic to look into the future via tarot cards to see how 2024 would pan out for Donald Trump. Sure. That makes sense. What’s next? CNBC reading chicken entrails to...
